Let's start with the rant...
When I go to a Chinese
restaurant, I look forward to the end of the meal, when I get to open
my fortune cookie. I'm not overly fond of the cookie itself, but I
love getting a fortune, a prediction, at the end of my meal.
On my first date with Tim,
we went to a Chinese restaurant. We sat next to each other, rather
than across, for whatever reason. After a mediocre meal, our cookies
arrived, and mine read "Stop searching forever. Happiness is
right next to you." Now that's what I call a fortune! On our
second visit to a Chinese restaurant, my cookie read "He is loyal,
brave, and honest." Well, damn! My fortunes came true... that
was over 10 years ago.
But lately, I've noticed
a rather disturbing trend. No longer do I get fortunes when I open
my cookies, but pithy sayings. You know the kind: "Hard work
will lead to much self-esteem."
I want a fortune! It's
not a platitude cookie, it's a fortune cookie. Tell me my fortune,
please! I don't need some hack in Queens telling me how to conduct
my life.
This is what all my friends
have to suffer through every time they go out to lunch with me...
Unfortunately, I've found
that rants aren't always valid... in doing some research into fortune
cookies, I discovered that my constant railing against platitude cookies
is, well, completely unfounded. This is terrible!
Fortune cookies have historically
contained messages with a positive outlook, or quotes from Confucius
or the bible. In other words... platitudes. Have I ever mentioned
that I hate being wrong?
But it gets worse. Nowadays,
the largest manufacturer
of fortune cookies uses students ("do your homework") as
well as unemployed writers to come up with the quotes they include
in their thousands and thousands of cookies.
So much for my rant. I'll
still be upset when I get a platitude cookie instead of a fortune
cookie, but that's on me. Bummer.
